Picking Cindy up on the First Date

Introduction

The date with Cindy is nigh, and your as nervous as a prostitute taking a pregnancy test. 

Okay, bad example. But the point is you're nervous. Why? Because Ms. Cindy is insanely hot and you have

a tendency to fuck things up on a first date.

You may feel like this poor bastard right here.

And sometime, gentlemen have a tendency to screw things up before the date even begins. 

How?

Allow me to explain

Picking Up Ms. Cindy

You just pulled up to Cindy's house in your car and you hugged the curb in front of her home right by the bushes. You check your phone to make sure you have the right address, the you look up to see if she's going to come out the door. After a few minutes, you figure out you didn't put on enough deodorant because you're sweating like a pig. You get impatient and you honk the horn.

No response. 

So you call her on your cell phone. She picks up.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Yeah wasup. You ready to go or what?" you smoothly say. 

"Oh , I uh, I'm still getting ready. I'll be a few minutes," she says. 

You hang up the phone and wait in your car with the music blaring. Finally, she emerges and walks up to the car. She has to maneuver around the bushes and squeeze herself in to open the door. She gets in and says something to you with a disgusted look on her face, but Marylin Manson is jarring to loud to hear what she saying. 

Okay... please tell me that you saw several things wrong with what you did in this passage. If you did, good. If you did not.... I'm tempted to threaten you with ripping your spine out and beating you to death with it, but just read on.

Good Old Mrs. Post

I would be remiss in stating my stance on opening doors for a lady on the initial start of the date without citing a few facts from Mrs. Post's Etiquette, Manners for a New World.

" Go to the Door. Don't park at the curb and honk or call on your cell phone to let her know you're waiting - unless that's what you and your date agreed on. If you're meeting at a work place, let your date know that you've arrived then wait... patiently. If you are meeting in a public place, try and arrive a few minutes early."

So now.... how can we apply this to the single gentleman who is about to pick up Ms. Cindy for their first date. 

The Check List

There are a series of things you need to do to make sure the pick up is smooth and successful.

1. Set the Music - If you did your homework, you asked her what kind of music she likes. Set it to the radio, download a few types of her music, or find a Pandora station that plays her favorite songs. Have it set and playing at a reasonably low volume before you exit the car. So when she does get in the car, the music automatically starts playing at a low tone. Having her music on will make her a little more at ease for the date. It will also show consideration.

2. Park in a Convenient Spot - When you pull up, find a place that makes it easy for her to get in and out of. Park a little off the curb if you have to and make sure she doesn't have to step over roots or loose gravel. Chances are shes going to be wearing heels, so make her path to the door as safe as possible. 

3. Walk up to her Door and Knock - Get out of your car and walk to the front door. I know, seems simple but guys tend to screw this one up and forget. Walk up to the door, ring the doorbell or knock, then step back from the door a few feet. You don't want to look like a creeper ringing the doorbell a million times then fall through the entrance when she opens it. 

4. Be Patient - With first dates, girls tend to dress to the nines. If she's doing this, she is probably going to be a little late. So don't be surprised if she lets you in and asks for a few more minutes. Be patient, sit and wait. Tell her to take her time while you brandish that pearly white smile.

5. Don't take your Phone out - I know you might be sitting in her living room for  a few minutes, but do everything in your power not to take your phone out. If she comes back in and you are self absorbed in your phone, shes going to be wondering who you are talking to. She might even assume right then and there that you have another girl under your belt that you are seeing. Not the best idea. Just keep it in your pants... the phone I mean. 

6. Open the Door - When she comes out and you finally clamp your mouth shut after gawking at her in her little black dress, take  her to the front door and YOU open it. Again, seems simple but gentlemen screw this one up more so now than ever. Walk down the path toward your car and AGAIN, open the car door for her. Here's the important part: when you open the door, offer your hand to help her in. This may seem archaic and unnecessary, but just offering your hand will stand out in her mind as kind. 

7. Walk around the BACK of your car - This means you are safety conscious. Granted she's not going to really notice this one, but a gentleman always walks behind the car in any situation. 

Conclusion

These are all very simple things you can do. Again, they will not guarantee that she's going to want to jump in bed with you. But it will mitigate any negative things she will talk about with her friends later. 

Also, some girls expect to have a gentleman they want to date. If they are really on the look out, they are evaluating these things. So don't screw it up. 

If all else fails, just don't try and peak a sneak down the cleavage of her dress when she gets in the car.

Grinding on that Dance Floor

 Introduction

Do I really have to write about this one? Gentlemen, come on. The fact that I have to address THIS topic is similar to me having to explain the importance of wiping your ass after you take a monstrous dump. Yet there were still some brave barbarians out there who took that crap in the woods without wiping, somehow procreated, then bred an entire race of barbarians who still don't understand a basic concept:

Think with your head. The one resting on your shoulders, not hanging between your legs.

"That's that lump three feet above your ass! "

 So what are you talking about Brian?

I'm talking about the "bumping and grinding" on the dance floor. Here, let me give you a small narrative to help explain.

Dancing with Little Ms. Cindy

Lets say that you are sitting in that booth in the bar will Billy. You're feeling rather fly tonight: You've got your flat billed Yankee cap to the side, your grill is sparkling like the $2,000 rims on your $1,500 car, and you just took another double shot of patron that you can't afford. You wipe some of the drool off your mouth as you laugh will Billy when you see little Ms. Cindy out there on the dance floor dropping it like its hot in her short black dress.

"Damn," Billy remarks, "Dude, go dance with that chick out there."

"WTF, who the hell are you?"

What wonderful advice billy. Denis Mcdonough would be proud. So you follow the presidential advice Billy gives you. You get up, trounce across the dance floor toward her, and what do you do? You immediately start rubbing your Johnson right into the small of her back. No introduction, no hello. You just grab right onto her hips and start dry humping the shit out of her off-rhythm to the music.

Sound familiar? You're lying, I know you've done it in high school, maybe even recently. I guarantee that you have at least seen it more than once.

 Don't get me wrong gentlemen. Grinding on the dace floor is perfectly acceptable to do in this day and age. If you get to this point with Ms. Cindy after a conversation, chances are high that she likes you. Hell, her body language is spilling itself all of you to the poetic lyrics of Lil Jon. Its a good thing, and definitely a precursor for more later.

There's just the right way to go about doing this, and the wrong way... Just to clarify the above mentioned is the wrong way just in case you didn't catch my tone.

Back to the Basics

Surprisingly enough, Emily Post's Etiquette, Manners for a New World does not have much to say about the bump and grind method of dancing. She does cover a lot about dancing at events, balls, weddings, and high society kind of things. For example:

Gentlemen of old used to ask women to dance.

"When there's dancing, its so much more fun when everybody dances - even those who claim two left feet. These days, women don't have to be asked to dance but can take the initiative and do the asking. If in doubt about the appropriateness, just remember that the more formal the party, the more you should stick to tradition." 

Time to focus and grab what we can out of this.

Obviously, the dance floor at your favorite bar is far from the traditional dance ball. As she states, you do not have to be that formal when everyone is getting jiggy with it. Trying to do the fox trot to dub step doesn't really work out either.

She also states something very important that we can read between the lines on. "These days, women don't have to be asked to dance but can take the initiative and do the asking." Up front, this means that a woman can ask you to dance, as well as the other way around. More importantly, this means that in the very traditional and formal days, men had to ask a woman to dance.

Key word here... Ask.

Now to Apply

Taking the basic knowledge we just learned, lets go back to our narrative and start over again as a gentleman would.

You're sitting at the booth in the bar with Billy sipping on a beer. He wipes the patron away from his chin and points out Cindy on the dance floor.

"Dude, go out there and grind up on that shit," he says.

"Hey Cindy, would you like to dance?"

But you don't. Instead, you patiently observe her while she dances. You see she is with friends and letting loose. Several guys also take notice, and she turns down each one as they encroach her with their crotches. After a few minutes she exits the dance floor with her friends toward the bar to get some water.

This is when you make your move. You get up, walk over to her, and as discussed in the previous posts, you introduce yourself and start a conversation.

Here is where the knowledge comes in.  You know she likes to dance and shes temporarily taking a break. She wants to get out there again with her friends who might be urging her to come along while you are in the middle of your conversation. Applying the between-the-lines info we gained earlier, this is what you say.

"Hey Cindy, would you like to dance?"

She is going to pick up on three important things from just this sentence:

1. You know her name. Acknowledging her existence as more than just a short skirt flaunting on the dance floor is big in her book. It means you care and you actually listened to her when you introduced yourselves. 
2. You asked. As shown in the first narrative, most dudes don't ask. The fact that you gave her the option to say no without an awkward encounter means a lot. Even if she does say no, she might be more inclined to speak with you when she comes back.
3. You are considerate. One of the many marks of a gentleman is being considerate. It's the foundation of why there are manners in the first place. This question alone will give her the general feeling that you are considerate of others.

Some Tips for your... Tip

Let's say Cindy was so impressed with the fact you asked her to dance that she says yes. Now what?

There's a couple of core things you want to keep in mind.

Keep Your Sword Sheathed - I know you're excited. Your animal instincts are just about to go crazy when you get a front row seat to watch Cindy dance in front of you. Ladies know when you've whipped out the swashbuckler. They can freaking see it bulging beneath your jeans.

It may be a jungle, but that doesn't mean you have to act like an animal

You have to control it. One of the aspects of a gentleman is keeping those 'instincts' under control. Its hard (pun intended), but you have to keep it soft for the moment.

Its Not About the Grind - Most dudes will get out there and start grabbing the hips and thrusting away. This is not what you are going to do, at least not the entire time. Change it up. Do a little grinding from the front, a little from the back, and then... Pull away.

That's right Gents. Give yourself some space from her and just dance solo. I know seems awkward but it will count. Changing it up like this will keep it interesting for her and prevent any chaffing to the small of her back from your relentless thrusting.

Stick with the Default Dance if Needed - So you're not a good dancer? That's fine. Just revert to the default. Whats the default you ask?

I'm not sure if you have seen this movie, but this scene basically nails down what you do if you are incapable of sticking to the beat or dance like you have epilepsy.

Depending on your personality, her personality and your dance capability, the cue tip move might work. Some girls like that goofy stuff. But if you are more awkward than Albert in the video, stick to the simple dance. It will at minimum give her the chance to enjoy dancing on her own, and she can let her back breathe without your sweaty body all over her.

Watch Your Hands - Be careful where you place your hands. Remember, you just met this girl. She's going to get pissed if you just try and run your fingers right up her skirt or down her shirt. Believe it or not, they don't like that if they don't know you. Who the fuck would have guessed that one?

Stick to the Rhythm - When grinding, do your best to stick to the rhythm. I'm not necessarily talking about the music. I'm talking about her rhythm. Ebb and flow with her and mirror her movements when you can. This will ensure  a smooth dance.

Conclusion

Most girls will notice these small things: Asking if she wants to dance, changing up the dance, and a general respect for her space and for the skin on the small of her back. They add points to the score board if you want to dance with her again and continue talking with her for the rest of the night.

Grinding on the dace floor is perfectly acceptable to do in this day and age

You may be one of those lucky few where you ask to dance, she drags YOU out on the floor, and then she proceeds to dry hump you more-so that you dreamed. Congratulations, let the sword out of its sheath and start hacking away like the butt pirate you are.

But for the other 99% of times that this does not happen, stick to the above mentioned principles. And if your animal instincts blind you the moment you step out onto the dance floor (or you haven't learned a thing from reading this), just remember one thing.

Just ask.



And fuck, what did I say about staring at her tits. STOP IT!

A Healthy Set of Chompers

Introduction

So you finally walked up to Cindy at the bar, made your introduction and kept eye contact with her. Congratulations, now you only have 4923891 more steps in the process to get her number, and you're about to stumble into step three. As you are thinking about "Shit, what was step three that dude said in his blog", you brandish a big old smile to compliment that eye contact.

And suddenly everything goes wrong.

She frowns, turns her head away, reaches for her empty glass behind her and pretends to take a drink. All of a sudden there's a distance equivalent to that of home plate to the pitchers mound. You just struck out and you don't even know why.

You sulk back to Billy in the booth and ask him what went wrong. He leans in and wrinkles his nose. He says it quietly as to not embarrass you.

"Dude... your breath stinks man."

The Fact of the Matter

Gentlemen, I know I am going to sound like your mom for a moment, but believe it or not there are a lot of 'bros' and 'gangstas' out there who do not brush their teeth as often as they should. You need to focus on taking constant care of your teeth.

Now I'm not just talking about brushing your teeth in your pre-going out routine. We know you do that right before you spray yourself with half your cologne bottle (we will get to that one later) and don your flat rimmed hat with the sticker still on it. Brushing is more than just a one time thing.

Lets turn to the trusty old book by Emily Post Etiquette, Manners for a New World and see what she has to say about healthy breath and teeth.

"To keep breath fresh, try and brush your teeth after lunch as well as in the mornings and at night. Regular flossing and brushing your tongue helps  control odor. Breath mints can help, and its a good idea to keep some handy. Not only is it a serious turn-off to others, but bad breath can also be a sign of ill health. If brushing, flossing, and mouthwash don't take care of it, pay a visit to your dentist or doctor."

Okay, lets take what she says here, combine it with a few more in depth medical facts and apply it to what the modern gentleman needs to know.

Medical Knowledge and Simple Techniques

 

Brushing 

Do this twice a day. In the morning when you wake up and at night before you go to bed. Lets be real. You are not going to bring a tooth brush to work, face palm  your boss and say "Sorry boss, its noon. This guy needs to brush his teeth to look good for the ladies." That's not going to fly.

Believe it or not, raking the brush across your teeth for 10 minutes like your trying to rub off old food from a pan is not good for you. There is a way to properly do it without damaging your gums and your teeth.

Simple right? It is. All it takes is simple things.

Flossing

Now I'm not trying to be a dentist or a Nazi here, but flossing is just as important as brushing. You ever see someone smile and it looks like Microsoft word increased the boarders on their teeth by an inch and a half? Yes, its noticeable. Women will see it to when you smile. Make flossing a priority.

Here's a awkward dentist with a woman who got lost in the 1990's explaining how to floss properly.

Also, that plaque in there that's crammed in those hard to reach spaces has plenty of bacteria on it, which also contributes to bad breath. It takes constant care to ensure that you don't have it in there, and thus not contributing to your gunk mouth.

Mouth Wash

This is also an effective way to kill the bacteria that exists in your cheeks, roof of your mouth, around your teeth, and in the back of your throat.

Here a hot dentist (I never thought I would type those two words together) explaining how to properly use them.

Again, it all stems to that bacteria that exists in your mouth that is the cause of bad breath. Just resist the urge to swallow large gulps of it as a cheap means of getting hammered before going to the bar.

Your Spit is Important

That's right gents. Your saliva has cleansing properties to it that help to kill the bacteria that swim around in your mouth. So believe it or not, you need to stay hydrated as often as possible and constantly drink water in order to make more spit. It will also prevent halitosis, which is a tell tail sign that you've haven't been brushing as much as you should be.

What it Means for the Ladies

Lets go back in time and assume that you've been taking care of your teeth before you barreled up to Ms. Cindy sitting at the bar. You say hello and crack that smile. And wouldn't you have it, she smiles back. She's going to make a couple of conclusions about you right off the bat when she sees those pearly whites:

1. You Have Discipline: The woman is going to see that you have white teeth, which means that you have been brushing every day for a really long time. This shows that you actively take care of yourself on a daily basis. Add one to your score board. 
2. You Have Self Respect: You give a shit enough to take time out of your day to take care of yourself. If you do this, it means it spills over into other areas of your life as well. 
3. You Are Healthy: Deep down in that primordial instinct that we all have, women are looking for a mate who is healthy in order to help them survive. Its a subconscious observation that woman see that will settle in their mind. 

Conclusions

Having a nice set of well taken care of chompers is not going to guarantee anything when it comes to talking to women. She's not going to see your teeth then immediately want to take you to bed.  But Cindy is going to be a little more inclined to accept a drink from you and carry on a conversation if shes not assaulted by Satan's stink breath radiating from your mouth.

Take care of your teeth gentlemen. 

And for Gods sake stop staring at her tits.

Attire - The Hat

Introduction

 

Ah, the hat. I cannot think of a more iconic wardrobe feature that identifies a gentleman of the past. The slick and refined look of a fur stetson hat accompanied by a sharp three piece suit was the main style for those who existed before we were even sperm awaiting our turn patiently to explode out of captivity.

It served both practical and fashionable purposes for every man. It kept the elements at bay, shielding our eyes from the sun and the rain. The extra space in the hat also kept in heat, thus helping to keep the head warm. (Bet you didn't know that one)

Unfortunately, the only people who remember wearing these are sitting in a wheel chair watching Jerry Springer every afternoon in their retirement home.

Even more of a travesty, the replacement for these kick ass covers have now been replaced with.....

Well... these.

That's right gentlemen. Many of the hats you will see at the bars are these wonderful multicolored sports hats. You've seen them worn in this particular fashion:tipped to the site, the bill as flat as the wearers personaility, and (if they are a real douche bag) the sticker on it. At least it matches the over sized sports jersey that covers up their sagging pants.

So what's a gentleman to do? Some of you may not sport the cover of a douche bag, but you're not going to go buy a top hat and expect it to match your button downs that are strewn about the floor of your room. Should you wear a hat? What if you do? How do the ladies see it? What the appropriate protocol?

Know When and Where to Wear it 

 

There are plenty of hats out there that are not theses flat rimmed tops. You've got your regular Dodger cap you wear to baseball games, or that fedora that you can sport with your dark rimmed glasses, and even that skull cap you wear when its balls cold outside. If you are a gentleman it is perfectly fine to wear these. Just know when to don them and when you need to take them off.

Lets open up our reference of Mrs. Emily Post's Etiquette, Manners for a New World and see what she has to say.

"Removing your hat is a sign of respect that has a long history in western culture. When a man of lesser rank entered the dwelling of a person of higher rank, he removed his hat or helmet. Baring his head was a sign of vulnerability and showed that he posed no threat, essentially acknowledging that the person of higher rank had power over him."

Obviously the average American Gentleman doesn't walk into a house of nobility on a daily basis. However, this custom is still apparent in our daily lives. There are cases when you should remove your hat, as well as places where hats are alright to wear.

Mrs. Emily Post created a wonderful chart for us to reference.

Location	All Hats for Men
Outdoors	On
At athletic events	On
On public transportation	On
In public buildings such as post offices, airports, train stations	On
In office and hotel lobbies	On
On elevators	On
While being introduced, indoors or out	Off
In someones home	Off
Indoors at work, especially in an office (unless required for the job)	Off
In a house of worship or at a religious service, unless a hat is required	Off
In public buildings such as a school, library, court house, or town hall	Off
At the table	Off
In restaurants and coffee shops	Off
At a movie or any indoor performance	Off
When the national anthem is played	Off
When the American flag passes by, as in a parade	Off

Okay, now lets move on to what a gentleman should do when meeting a woman.

A Gentleman Walks into a Bar...

 

Rule of thumb: if you are in doors, take the hat off. If you ever meet anyone, remove your hat as you introduce yourself. That basically ensures that you are in compliance with the table above. There are a few specific instances that I want to address. 

Walking into a Bar

 Remove your hat and keep it off. If you just came from that Dodgers game and you walk into a bar for a drink, head to the bathroom, take the cap off, get your hair in order, and you're set. Now you can go out there and eye fuck the shit out of Cindy.

Meeting a Woman for the first time

If you do wear that fedora or sports cap out on the street and you meet a woman for the first time, remove your hat before you shake her hand and introduce yourself. This is definitely something they will notice. More points for you.

 Fashion Hats

Okay, I get it. I know that fedora looks fantastic on you with that blazer and your dark rimmed glasses. Normally fashion hats are for women, but hey whatever floats your boat. Sorry to poke a few holes in your hull and sink you, but don't wear it in doors. Guess you are going to have to rearrange your wardrobe.

Cowboy Hats

For all you Southern Gentlemen who have spent a time or two shoveling cow shit in these wonderful ten gallon hats, sorry to burst your bubble, but the civil war is over. You lost. And you should also loose the hat when you walk into a bar, into someones home, or when you meet a lady for the first time.

There is an exceptions to this. If you head to a country bar where line dancing is its main feature, you are welcome to wear you hat on the dance floor. But once you step your cowboy boots off the hardwood floor, so comes your cover.

Flat Rimmed Hats

By now you've guess I am not a fan of the flat rimmed sports hats worn at a crooked angle. I am not alone in thinking this. Many women out there, including Ms. Cindy that you are about to go and talk to, are not into them either.   The general consensus among the normal populous of the U.S. is that if you wear one of these, you are a giant bag of stinking douche. So don't wear these anymore. That's right, I said it.

Military Hats

If you get the rare chance to see a military member walking about in uniform, undoubtedly they will have a cover of some type. Regulations across different services vary, but generally they will remove their cover when they walk in doors, and cover up when they are outside.

The only case they will keep the cover on indoors is if they are under arms, meaning they have a sword or some type of weapon on them. You'll see this most commonly at wedding ceremonies. So don't go knocking off their hat and reprimand them for being ungentlemanly like. Try that with a Marine under arms... see what happens.

Conclusion

 

Believe it or not, when you walk into that bar and remove whatever hat you have, Ms. Cindy is going to take note. Why? Because people just don't do it anymore. When you do, it will mark you as a man who has a greater understanding of chivalry of the present and the past. Most ladies believe chivalry to be dead. So when she see's this, it will give her a glimmer of hope and rack up points for you in her subconscious mind.

If you do wear a hat on a daily basis, start taking notice for when and where you should remove your hat. It's a difficult habit to create, but I guarantee that you will grain the mark of the gentlemen into you in every place you enter.

 Just for the love of God, don't look like this douche bag and you'll be alright. (Look! There's a fucking sticker on it!) 

Controlling those Wandering Eyes - The Male Perspective

 Introduction

You're doing it right now.

Don't bullshit a bullshitter, you're staring at them. Hell, I'm going to guess you aren't even reading this at all. You probably just clicked the link because you wanted a closer look at them. I'll even bet you just scrolled down to the other pictures in hope to see more Grand Canyon cleavage.

Do I have your attention now? Done staring? Good. Believe it or not, you do the same thing out in town, in the grocery store, and yes, in the bar as well. It's not just limited to the internet.

To be quite rudimentary there is nothing wrong with this at all. As a man you should look. It's part of our instinctual drive to be attracted to the female figure. You think they don't know this? That's why little Cindy is wearing that low cut shirt at the bar. It's why you got up and walked past the dirty hipsters to talk to her. It's why everyone is at the bar in the first place.

But to define yourself as a gentleman you must harness this natural drive and master the second hardest thing in the world that is not in your pants: NOT TO LOOK.

Hey, Up Here Buddy

Lets go back to Mrs.Emily Post's Etiquette, Manners for a New World and focus on one of the main points in meeting people. Eye contact.She mentions an important point when meeting people for the first time and one of the major mistakes that you can make.

"Looking away. Eye contact is critical in an introduction. People who look over others' shoulders and around the room while involved in an introduction are saying by their actions that they really don't care."

So what does this mean for the single gentleman?

That if you walk up to little Ms. Cindy, look her up and down or happen to glance at the tips of her bra sticking out of her shirt, you are saying you care about only one thing: Trying to get a donkey ride down the canyon.

 The Simple Solution

So what is a gentleman to do?

Practice not only looking little Ms. Cindy in the eye, but everyone else as well. Make an effort to lock eyes with every person you meet. When you feel your eyes wandering, try and catch yourself.

Looking a woman dead in the eyes says a few things. One, it means you are confident. Two, it means you respect her. And Three, that you have a little more control over your natural male urges. This alone will assert that you are a cut above the rest. That you are a gentlemen of caliber that can shoot a straight look into her sparkling eyes. 

And remember this: they know when you look. I know you think they don't notice, but a girl will know if you are staring at her bosom from across the Grand Canyon. That means she definitely sees your eye balls wandering when you first saw her while you were bullshitting with your buddies in the booth across the bar.

Conclusion

So take heed gentlemen. Look a person in the eyes when you speak to them. It's very simple and very easy to train yourself to do. And it scores more points than you'll imagine.

And in the event that you do forget the name of Ms. Cindy, you can later ask her friends who the "girl with the blue eyes" was. That, my friends, will get you a discount for the donkey ride down to the bottom of the Canyon much faster

So keep those eyes up gents.

 And stop staring at her tits! See you did it again!

Think I am full of shit? Leave a comment and tell me I'm wrong. Do it punk. 

The Dying Breed - The Female Perspective

 Laurel England is a co-author for the Gentleman's Guide for the Modern Age. She wonderfully brings balance to the blog by backing up each post with the female reaction to the topic. This post is in response to "The Dying Breed". 

 Introduction

 

As a female in the modern world this doesn’t surprise me in the least. I don’t know when and I don’t know why, but fathers have stopped passing on the gentlemen gene.

I went out to breakfast with a gentleman suitor in a casual local chain. He walked in front of me and pulled out my chair as smooth and calm as a Hindu cow. I came to expect this from this wonderful gentleman, sat down and thanked him.

The 18 year old waitress that led us to our table stood there wide eyed and dumb founded. She blurted out “WOW”, and placed down our menus. We both looked at each other and then back at her. She replied to our looming stares, “I’ve never seen a man do that for a woman before. I thought that only happens in the movies.”

I almost wanted to cry for America’s youth, go hunt down her parents and slap them. Instead replied with a wink, “Gentleman are still out there. Never settle for anything less and always appreciate them when you come across them”. 

What Women Expect in the Modern Age 

 

When women in the modern age come across this dying bread, our first instinct is to immediately think that it’s complete bullshit. What have we learned from the last 200 men that have approached us? It’s a simple act to attain the vagina.  

Figure 1

And that ladies, is the bullshit.  

Gentleman, you already start in the negatives and that’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the shmedium-wearing, fist pumping, gym grunting, drunken mess of a "man" that has infected our everyday lives (See figure 1) . Stand strong dear gentlemen, hold that ground and hold those traditions. You will find that the appreciating women, although obnoxiously pessimistic and weary in this era, will come around and give you not only the time of day, but her heart, her trust and her undying need to be bent over. 

Conclusion

Men that happen to find this blog, that are not too resistant to change, I pray you grab a pen and paper. For your Jersey shore of a world is about to get rocked.

---

Meeting a Woman for the First Time - The Female Perspective

Laurel England is a co-author for the Gentlemen Guide for the Modern Age. She wonderfully brings balance to the blog by backing up each post with the female perspective. This post is in response to  "Meeting a Woman for the First Time"

Introduction

As a 6’ blonde who wears heels without hesitation, I’ve had my share of attention from the male species. Whether I like it or not, men will flock. This “Flocking” includes but is not limited to : 

 
-          Whistles 
-          Hoots 
-          Licking of lips 
-          Intense boob stare downs 
-          Pointing directly at you to their buddies 
-          Useless banter about how “banging” I look
-          And of course, the pickup lines. (I can only hope they’re educated enough to make it rhythm in the end so I at least can walk away laughing and giving them a high five).

Is this what a young woman desires in this modern age? Are these the only options?

It’s true we tend to enjoy attention. We didn’t hit the gym all week, skip the cupcakes at Ashley’s birthday party, buy a brand new BCBG dress with our maxed out credit card to stand in the corner and NOT be approached. Nor did we spend 6 hours perfecting our online dating profile for you to misspell our name and ask if our photos are up to date.  And yes, it is true we may show off certain assets to help fuel that attention. However, what makes you different from the first 3 guys who came up to a lady letting her know how good she looks and wants her number? Queue the extinct species of gentlemen.

The Greeting

The “just introduce yourself” Is spot on. We’re not expecting back flips and a fluffy kitten to be pulled from your jacket for extreme entertainment.

If you spot an attractive lady at a bar or in your local coffee spot, be confident in yourself and send out that vibe. If you’re not confident, join the club. It’s all about perception. “Fake it until you make it” I believe is the phrase I am looking for. No female is going to reject your handshake and not exchange her name as well. If she does, she’s a total self-obsessed bitch. You’re welcome for getting that out of the way so you didn’t spend all night making cat eyes with a Paris Hilton wannabe.  

As long as you haven’t run into one of those terrible self-involved sluts, it’s time to make the next step.

“Nice to meet you Dayna,(insert conversation direction here.)”

Does she look athletic? Perhaps you played the same sport in college. Is she tan? Maybe she likes to hit the beach like you do. Find what initially drew you in to her and figure out how to present that in words that isn’t a Ron Burgundy, “Well I was standing over across the room and felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breathtaking heiny”. You’re men I get it, but let’s keep it PG for this initial introduction…Please?

It’s easy to get intimidated quickly, but a couple things you need to keep in mind to help build you up:

Behind all that smoky eye makeup and light bronzed face foundation could be a woman who would rather be home watching the Yankees beat the Dodgers while trading her vodka soda for a Mother Earth Cali Cream pint. We came out and dressed up mostly for you. So appreciate it but know that we are all chameleons.

We may put on a front. There are a lot of sassy sarcastic females out there who are not looking for the boring banter. We will test you. Don’t back down and assume she’s being a bitch. She’s challenging you to engage her and to see if you can keep up. If you’re not interested in that, go find the Barbie across the room who’s smitten knowing that you can remember her name and guess her boob size.

Conclusion

Leave the dirty jokes, pickup lines and flexing at the door. Stop wasting time and start being a functional gentleman.

"THAT" guy

Don’t be “That Guy”, whose the drunkest in the room, hits on a woman, gets denied and then hits on her friends standing two feet from her. Keep it classy but keep it fun. The right girl will respond well to just you being a respectful confident version of yourself. Don’t be what you think a woman wants, faking a persona will get you nowhere really fast. She will appreciate your gentlemanly efforts and they will not go unnoticed. You will get her number, you will get a date. Don’t try and go home with her, walk away knowing you conquered the first interaction with smashing success.

Oh yes, stop looking at my wonderful tits.

Buying a Drink for a Woman

Introduction

 

Lets review a little from our last narrative about your expedition to speak with Ms. Cindy. 

You left Billy in the booth pounding his Patron to go speak to Cindy. You walked up, said your introduction, smiled, and shook her hand. But then you decided to jump the gun. You flag the bartender down.

"Another beer for me please, and what are you having?" you turn and ask her. You see her eyes dart to the right and an eyebrow slightly raised.

"I'll take a beer," she says. She uncrosses her arms to take the beer from the bar tender and starts to pound the drink. You keep yapping along as she nods her head in your general direction. Her eyes continue to shift around. She's not saying much. Then after she's pounded the beer, she gives you a half ass smile and says.

"Thanks for the beer, but I have to get back to my friends."

So what the fuck just happened?

Sometimes, She's Just Not Into You

 

I hate to break it to you, but you're not Brad Pit. Therefore every woman you walk up to is not going to like you. If you disagree with me, congratulations Narcissus, you're a fucking moron.  Go back to the gym and flex in the mirror more.

For a gentleman, you will find cases such as this when you walk up and speak to a lady. She's going to be cordial with you if you are cordial with her, but sometimes she just may be picky. 

What you did wrong in the above narrative was buy her a drink to fast. Women who have manners feel obligated to at least talk to you for a little while if you buy them a beer, even if they think you are as ugly as Hephaestus. This may give you more time to talk to them, but most women who are not into you will feel awkward and pound the beer as fast as possible so they can move on to the Hercules at the other side of the bar that they've been looking at all night. 

The Classy Way to Buy A Drink For a Woman

So if she's probably not going to be into you, why go up in the first place? You're right, its a risk. She may not like you. And that kind of rejection is not the best feeling. But you still want to talk to her. What do you do?

So lets say you are back with Billy in the booth of the bar eying Cindy sitting at a high table with her friends. You want to talk to her, but you just aren't sure if she's going to be into you. 

Here's is what you do. 

"From the Gentleman at the booth over there"

Step 1 - Have the waitress/barmaid bring her a drink. The barmaid comes to your table to ask if you'd like to get another drink. You say yes, but then you ask what Cindy over there is drinking. You then ask that the next drink she has be on your tab. 

Oh my God oh my God oh My God!

Okay, don't get excited. Stay calm and keep it in your pants. This is what is what Cindy and her friends are going to do when that next drink comes to her. 

Step 2 - The barmaid is going to point over to your table and explain that the drink is from you when she delivers it. 

Okay, that makes sense. 

 

Step 3 - The ladies are going to look at you. It is very important at this point that you DO NOT LOOK. Keep it cool, keep asking Billy about how he got his wang stuck in the jet of his jacuzzi, and don't pay attention to them. Just ignore them for the moment. 

Brian, are you out of your fucking element? I'm going to be waiting on the edge of my seat until the barmaid sends that drink. I'll get to wave and make eye contact and then make my move.

Then you'll look like a creep. Remember, ladies do not like to be stared at. So if Cindy gets that drink and you raise your glass as soon as she looks over, that means that you've been staring the whole time. Bad move. Shes going to feel creeped out and probably move tables. 

Step 4 - They are going to talk about you. This is a good thing. 

But what exactly are they discussing? 

Would you stop interrupting me for Christ sake? I'll get to that. 

Step 5 - Cindy is going to make her choice. She is either going to do one of four things, which all mean different things:

a) Not thank you or acknowledged that you bought her the drink = Stuck up bitch
b) Acknowledge that she appreciates the drink by a head nod, wave, or raise of the glass = polite, but just not into you
c) Walk over and thank you for the drink, then be on her way = More polite than most and may be curious
d) Walk over, thank you for the drink, and start a conversation = Shes in to you 

The Message You Send

 

Lets get down to brass tacks here. What kind of message does this send to her?

It gives her the option. 

When a girl gets a drink from you delivered by the waitress, it gives her the option to talk to you if she wishes. When you walk up and buy her a drink, she feels obligated and might make her uncomfortable. In this scenario, she gets to chose if she wants to talk to you or not. This will avoid making her feel uncomfortable and its less over bearing on her part. 

She will feel more open.

When she looks over and sees you talking with your friends and ignoring her, it sends the message that you are not a creep, and you haven't been staring. (or at least from what she has seen). Moreover, it allows her and all her friends to look you up and down without feeling the awkwardness of you looking back. Again, it puts her at ease knowing there's no awkward tension with eyes back and forth. 

Its a Different Approach.

Guys rarely do this kind of thing anymore. It will help to distinguish you as a gentleman and standout from the rest of the douche bags in the bar. Girls like to run across gentlemen who distinguish themselves from the rest, thus making you more interesting and appealing. It will increase your chances that they wan to talk to you. 

The Benefits for you

 

You may think this choice is cheesy, but let me outline the advantages you gain from doing this. 

You won't look like 'that guy'

You know what I am talking about: the guy who walks up to every hot looking girl in the bar and tries to hit on her. Trust me gentlemen, girls are watching and see who you talk to. If they see you've been shut down twice and you walk up to her, you're telling her you are third choice on your list for trying to get a one night stand. 

Increase your chances

If you have the coin, you can send as many drinks to as many woman as you want. This way, even if they turn you down, the other ladies will not see you being turned down. And if all else fails after doing this a few times, you can take the regular approach and walk up to talk to others, thus making it less obvious that Cindy might be number four on your list. 

You'll know shes into you.

If Cindy walks over to you and starts talking, the message is very clear: Shes into you. And that is exactly what you are looking for. Your chances of leaving with her number increase dramatically. Moreover she may bring her friends, in which case Billy will regret sticking his wanker into the jacuzzi jet earlier knowing he may have to use it later. This also means her friends might take interest in your friends. So everyone wins. 

Conclusion

 

This is definitely a passive approach. It can also be expensive as well. But if you are the introvert and you feel like throwing a lure out there to see what catches, this is a great way to go. 

Plus, it feels pretty bad ass knowing that a woman walked up to you instead of the other way around. 

Just do me a favor and don't run up a dozen drinks on your tab and think it will get you laid. You still need to do the foot work of being a gentlemen and treating her like a lady.

And for the love of Zeus, stop looking at her goddamn tits!