Grinding on that Dance Floor

 Introduction

Do I really have to write about this one? Gentlemen, come on. The fact that I have to address THIS topic is similar to me having to explain the importance of wiping your ass after you take a monstrous dump. Yet there were still some brave barbarians out there who took that crap in the woods without wiping, somehow procreated, then bred an entire race of barbarians who still don't understand a basic concept:

Think with your head. The one resting on your shoulders, not hanging between your legs.

"That's that lump three feet above your ass! "

 So what are you talking about Brian?

I'm talking about the "bumping and grinding" on the dance floor. Here, let me give you a small narrative to help explain.

Dancing with Little Ms. Cindy

Lets say that you are sitting in that booth in the bar will Billy. You're feeling rather fly tonight: You've got your flat billed Yankee cap to the side, your grill is sparkling like the $2,000 rims on your $1,500 car, and you just took another double shot of patron that you can't afford. You wipe some of the drool off your mouth as you laugh will Billy when you see little Ms. Cindy out there on the dance floor dropping it like its hot in her short black dress.

"Damn," Billy remarks, "Dude, go dance with that chick out there."

"WTF, who the hell are you?"

What wonderful advice billy. Denis Mcdonough would be proud. So you follow the presidential advice Billy gives you. You get up, trounce across the dance floor toward her, and what do you do? You immediately start rubbing your Johnson right into the small of her back. No introduction, no hello. You just grab right onto her hips and start dry humping the shit out of her off-rhythm to the music.

Sound familiar? You're lying, I know you've done it in high school, maybe even recently. I guarantee that you have at least seen it more than once.

 Don't get me wrong gentlemen. Grinding on the dace floor is perfectly acceptable to do in this day and age. If you get to this point with Ms. Cindy after a conversation, chances are high that she likes you. Hell, her body language is spilling itself all of you to the poetic lyrics of Lil Jon. Its a good thing, and definitely a precursor for more later.

There's just the right way to go about doing this, and the wrong way... Just to clarify the above mentioned is the wrong way just in case you didn't catch my tone.

Back to the Basics

Surprisingly enough, Emily Post's Etiquette, Manners for a New World does not have much to say about the bump and grind method of dancing. She does cover a lot about dancing at events, balls, weddings, and high society kind of things. For example:

Gentlemen of old used to ask women to dance.

"When there's dancing, its so much more fun when everybody dances - even those who claim two left feet. These days, women don't have to be asked to dance but can take the initiative and do the asking. If in doubt about the appropriateness, just remember that the more formal the party, the more you should stick to tradition." 

Time to focus and grab what we can out of this.

Obviously, the dance floor at your favorite bar is far from the traditional dance ball. As she states, you do not have to be that formal when everyone is getting jiggy with it. Trying to do the fox trot to dub step doesn't really work out either.

She also states something very important that we can read between the lines on. "These days, women don't have to be asked to dance but can take the initiative and do the asking." Up front, this means that a woman can ask you to dance, as well as the other way around. More importantly, this means that in the very traditional and formal days, men had to ask a woman to dance.

Key word here... Ask.

Now to Apply

Taking the basic knowledge we just learned, lets go back to our narrative and start over again as a gentleman would.

You're sitting at the booth in the bar with Billy sipping on a beer. He wipes the patron away from his chin and points out Cindy on the dance floor.

"Dude, go out there and grind up on that shit," he says.

"Hey Cindy, would you like to dance?"

But you don't. Instead, you patiently observe her while she dances. You see she is with friends and letting loose. Several guys also take notice, and she turns down each one as they encroach her with their crotches. After a few minutes she exits the dance floor with her friends toward the bar to get some water.

This is when you make your move. You get up, walk over to her, and as discussed in the previous posts, you introduce yourself and start a conversation.

Here is where the knowledge comes in.  You know she likes to dance and shes temporarily taking a break. She wants to get out there again with her friends who might be urging her to come along while you are in the middle of your conversation. Applying the between-the-lines info we gained earlier, this is what you say.

"Hey Cindy, would you like to dance?"

She is going to pick up on three important things from just this sentence:

1. You know her name. Acknowledging her existence as more than just a short skirt flaunting on the dance floor is big in her book. It means you care and you actually listened to her when you introduced yourselves. 
2. You asked. As shown in the first narrative, most dudes don't ask. The fact that you gave her the option to say no without an awkward encounter means a lot. Even if she does say no, she might be more inclined to speak with you when she comes back.
3. You are considerate. One of the many marks of a gentleman is being considerate. It's the foundation of why there are manners in the first place. This question alone will give her the general feeling that you are considerate of others.

Some Tips for your... Tip

Let's say Cindy was so impressed with the fact you asked her to dance that she says yes. Now what?

There's a couple of core things you want to keep in mind.

Keep Your Sword Sheathed - I know you're excited. Your animal instincts are just about to go crazy when you get a front row seat to watch Cindy dance in front of you. Ladies know when you've whipped out the swashbuckler. They can freaking see it bulging beneath your jeans.

It may be a jungle, but that doesn't mean you have to act like an animal

You have to control it. One of the aspects of a gentleman is keeping those 'instincts' under control. Its hard (pun intended), but you have to keep it soft for the moment.

Its Not About the Grind - Most dudes will get out there and start grabbing the hips and thrusting away. This is not what you are going to do, at least not the entire time. Change it up. Do a little grinding from the front, a little from the back, and then... Pull away.

That's right Gents. Give yourself some space from her and just dance solo. I know seems awkward but it will count. Changing it up like this will keep it interesting for her and prevent any chaffing to the small of her back from your relentless thrusting.

Stick with the Default Dance if Needed - So you're not a good dancer? That's fine. Just revert to the default. Whats the default you ask?

I'm not sure if you have seen this movie, but this scene basically nails down what you do if you are incapable of sticking to the beat or dance like you have epilepsy.

Depending on your personality, her personality and your dance capability, the cue tip move might work. Some girls like that goofy stuff. But if you are more awkward than Albert in the video, stick to the simple dance. It will at minimum give her the chance to enjoy dancing on her own, and she can let her back breathe without your sweaty body all over her.

Watch Your Hands - Be careful where you place your hands. Remember, you just met this girl. She's going to get pissed if you just try and run your fingers right up her skirt or down her shirt. Believe it or not, they don't like that if they don't know you. Who the fuck would have guessed that one?

Stick to the Rhythm - When grinding, do your best to stick to the rhythm. I'm not necessarily talking about the music. I'm talking about her rhythm. Ebb and flow with her and mirror her movements when you can. This will ensure  a smooth dance.

Conclusion

Most girls will notice these small things: Asking if she wants to dance, changing up the dance, and a general respect for her space and for the skin on the small of her back. They add points to the score board if you want to dance with her again and continue talking with her for the rest of the night.

Grinding on the dace floor is perfectly acceptable to do in this day and age

You may be one of those lucky few where you ask to dance, she drags YOU out on the floor, and then she proceeds to dry hump you more-so that you dreamed. Congratulations, let the sword out of its sheath and start hacking away like the butt pirate you are.

But for the other 99% of times that this does not happen, stick to the above mentioned principles. And if your animal instincts blind you the moment you step out onto the dance floor (or you haven't learned a thing from reading this), just remember one thing.

Just ask.



And fuck, what did I say about staring at her tits. STOP IT!