Attire - The Hat

Introduction

 

Ah, the hat. I cannot think of a more iconic wardrobe feature that identifies a gentleman of the past. The slick and refined look of a fur stetson hat accompanied by a sharp three piece suit was the main style for those who existed before we were even sperm awaiting our turn patiently to explode out of captivity.

It served both practical and fashionable purposes for every man. It kept the elements at bay, shielding our eyes from the sun and the rain. The extra space in the hat also kept in heat, thus helping to keep the head warm. (Bet you didn't know that one)

Unfortunately, the only people who remember wearing these are sitting in a wheel chair watching Jerry Springer every afternoon in their retirement home.

Even more of a travesty, the replacement for these kick ass covers have now been replaced with.....

Well... these.

That's right gentlemen. Many of the hats you will see at the bars are these wonderful multicolored sports hats. You've seen them worn in this particular fashion:tipped to the site, the bill as flat as the wearers personaility, and (if they are a real douche bag) the sticker on it. At least it matches the over sized sports jersey that covers up their sagging pants.

So what's a gentleman to do? Some of you may not sport the cover of a douche bag, but you're not going to go buy a top hat and expect it to match your button downs that are strewn about the floor of your room. Should you wear a hat? What if you do? How do the ladies see it? What the appropriate protocol?

Know When and Where to Wear it 

 

There are plenty of hats out there that are not theses flat rimmed tops. You've got your regular Dodger cap you wear to baseball games, or that fedora that you can sport with your dark rimmed glasses, and even that skull cap you wear when its balls cold outside. If you are a gentleman it is perfectly fine to wear these. Just know when to don them and when you need to take them off.

Lets open up our reference of Mrs. Emily Post's Etiquette, Manners for a New World and see what she has to say.

"Removing your hat is a sign of respect that has a long history in western culture. When a man of lesser rank entered the dwelling of a person of higher rank, he removed his hat or helmet. Baring his head was a sign of vulnerability and showed that he posed no threat, essentially acknowledging that the person of higher rank had power over him."

Obviously the average American Gentleman doesn't walk into a house of nobility on a daily basis. However, this custom is still apparent in our daily lives. There are cases when you should remove your hat, as well as places where hats are alright to wear.

Mrs. Emily Post created a wonderful chart for us to reference.

Location	All Hats for Men
Outdoors	On
At athletic events	On
On public transportation	On
In public buildings such as post offices, airports, train stations	On
In office and hotel lobbies	On
On elevators	On
While being introduced, indoors or out	Off
In someones home	Off
Indoors at work, especially in an office (unless required for the job)	Off
In a house of worship or at a religious service, unless a hat is required	Off
In public buildings such as a school, library, court house, or town hall	Off
At the table	Off
In restaurants and coffee shops	Off
At a movie or any indoor performance	Off
When the national anthem is played	Off
When the American flag passes by, as in a parade	Off

Okay, now lets move on to what a gentleman should do when meeting a woman.

A Gentleman Walks into a Bar...

 

Rule of thumb: if you are in doors, take the hat off. If you ever meet anyone, remove your hat as you introduce yourself. That basically ensures that you are in compliance with the table above. There are a few specific instances that I want to address. 

Walking into a Bar

 Remove your hat and keep it off. If you just came from that Dodgers game and you walk into a bar for a drink, head to the bathroom, take the cap off, get your hair in order, and you're set. Now you can go out there and eye fuck the shit out of Cindy.

Meeting a Woman for the first time

If you do wear that fedora or sports cap out on the street and you meet a woman for the first time, remove your hat before you shake her hand and introduce yourself. This is definitely something they will notice. More points for you.

 Fashion Hats

Okay, I get it. I know that fedora looks fantastic on you with that blazer and your dark rimmed glasses. Normally fashion hats are for women, but hey whatever floats your boat. Sorry to poke a few holes in your hull and sink you, but don't wear it in doors. Guess you are going to have to rearrange your wardrobe.

Cowboy Hats

For all you Southern Gentlemen who have spent a time or two shoveling cow shit in these wonderful ten gallon hats, sorry to burst your bubble, but the civil war is over. You lost. And you should also loose the hat when you walk into a bar, into someones home, or when you meet a lady for the first time.

There is an exceptions to this. If you head to a country bar where line dancing is its main feature, you are welcome to wear you hat on the dance floor. But once you step your cowboy boots off the hardwood floor, so comes your cover.

Flat Rimmed Hats

By now you've guess I am not a fan of the flat rimmed sports hats worn at a crooked angle. I am not alone in thinking this. Many women out there, including Ms. Cindy that you are about to go and talk to, are not into them either.   The general consensus among the normal populous of the U.S. is that if you wear one of these, you are a giant bag of stinking douche. So don't wear these anymore. That's right, I said it.

Military Hats

If you get the rare chance to see a military member walking about in uniform, undoubtedly they will have a cover of some type. Regulations across different services vary, but generally they will remove their cover when they walk in doors, and cover up when they are outside.

The only case they will keep the cover on indoors is if they are under arms, meaning they have a sword or some type of weapon on them. You'll see this most commonly at wedding ceremonies. So don't go knocking off their hat and reprimand them for being ungentlemanly like. Try that with a Marine under arms... see what happens.

Conclusion

 

Believe it or not, when you walk into that bar and remove whatever hat you have, Ms. Cindy is going to take note. Why? Because people just don't do it anymore. When you do, it will mark you as a man who has a greater understanding of chivalry of the present and the past. Most ladies believe chivalry to be dead. So when she see's this, it will give her a glimmer of hope and rack up points for you in her subconscious mind.

If you do wear a hat on a daily basis, start taking notice for when and where you should remove your hat. It's a difficult habit to create, but I guarantee that you will grain the mark of the gentlemen into you in every place you enter.

 Just for the love of God, don't look like this douche bag and you'll be alright. (Look! There's a fucking sticker on it!)