A Healthy Set of Chompers

Introduction

So you finally walked up to Cindy at the bar, made your introduction and kept eye contact with her. Congratulations, now you only have 4923891 more steps in the process to get her number, and you're about to stumble into step three. As you are thinking about "Shit, what was step three that dude said in his blog", you brandish a big old smile to compliment that eye contact.

And suddenly everything goes wrong.

She frowns, turns her head away, reaches for her empty glass behind her and pretends to take a drink. All of a sudden there's a distance equivalent to that of home plate to the pitchers mound. You just struck out and you don't even know why.

You sulk back to Billy in the booth and ask him what went wrong. He leans in and wrinkles his nose. He says it quietly as to not embarrass you.

"Dude... your breath stinks man."

The Fact of the Matter

Gentlemen, I know I am going to sound like your mom for a moment, but believe it or not there are a lot of 'bros' and 'gangstas' out there who do not brush their teeth as often as they should. You need to focus on taking constant care of your teeth.

Now I'm not just talking about brushing your teeth in your pre-going out routine. We know you do that right before you spray yourself with half your cologne bottle (we will get to that one later) and don your flat rimmed hat with the sticker still on it. Brushing is more than just a one time thing.

Lets turn to the trusty old book by Emily Post Etiquette, Manners for a New World and see what she has to say about healthy breath and teeth.

"To keep breath fresh, try and brush your teeth after lunch as well as in the mornings and at night. Regular flossing and brushing your tongue helps  control odor. Breath mints can help, and its a good idea to keep some handy. Not only is it a serious turn-off to others, but bad breath can also be a sign of ill health. If brushing, flossing, and mouthwash don't take care of it, pay a visit to your dentist or doctor."

Okay, lets take what she says here, combine it with a few more in depth medical facts and apply it to what the modern gentleman needs to know.

Medical Knowledge and Simple Techniques

 

Brushing 

Do this twice a day. In the morning when you wake up and at night before you go to bed. Lets be real. You are not going to bring a tooth brush to work, face palm  your boss and say "Sorry boss, its noon. This guy needs to brush his teeth to look good for the ladies." That's not going to fly.

Believe it or not, raking the brush across your teeth for 10 minutes like your trying to rub off old food from a pan is not good for you. There is a way to properly do it without damaging your gums and your teeth.

Simple right? It is. All it takes is simple things.

Flossing

Now I'm not trying to be a dentist or a Nazi here, but flossing is just as important as brushing. You ever see someone smile and it looks like Microsoft word increased the boarders on their teeth by an inch and a half? Yes, its noticeable. Women will see it to when you smile. Make flossing a priority.

Here's a awkward dentist with a woman who got lost in the 1990's explaining how to floss properly.

Also, that plaque in there that's crammed in those hard to reach spaces has plenty of bacteria on it, which also contributes to bad breath. It takes constant care to ensure that you don't have it in there, and thus not contributing to your gunk mouth.

Mouth Wash

This is also an effective way to kill the bacteria that exists in your cheeks, roof of your mouth, around your teeth, and in the back of your throat.

Here a hot dentist (I never thought I would type those two words together) explaining how to properly use them.

Again, it all stems to that bacteria that exists in your mouth that is the cause of bad breath. Just resist the urge to swallow large gulps of it as a cheap means of getting hammered before going to the bar.

Your Spit is Important

That's right gents. Your saliva has cleansing properties to it that help to kill the bacteria that swim around in your mouth. So believe it or not, you need to stay hydrated as often as possible and constantly drink water in order to make more spit. It will also prevent halitosis, which is a tell tail sign that you've haven't been brushing as much as you should be.

What it Means for the Ladies

Lets go back in time and assume that you've been taking care of your teeth before you barreled up to Ms. Cindy sitting at the bar. You say hello and crack that smile. And wouldn't you have it, she smiles back. She's going to make a couple of conclusions about you right off the bat when she sees those pearly whites:

1. You Have Discipline: The woman is going to see that you have white teeth, which means that you have been brushing every day for a really long time. This shows that you actively take care of yourself on a daily basis. Add one to your score board. 
2. You Have Self Respect: You give a shit enough to take time out of your day to take care of yourself. If you do this, it means it spills over into other areas of your life as well. 
3. You Are Healthy: Deep down in that primordial instinct that we all have, women are looking for a mate who is healthy in order to help them survive. Its a subconscious observation that woman see that will settle in their mind. 

Conclusions

Having a nice set of well taken care of chompers is not going to guarantee anything when it comes to talking to women. She's not going to see your teeth then immediately want to take you to bed.  But Cindy is going to be a little more inclined to accept a drink from you and carry on a conversation if shes not assaulted by Satan's stink breath radiating from your mouth.

Take care of your teeth gentlemen. 

And for Gods sake stop staring at her tits.