Attire - The Hat

Introduction

 

Ah, the hat. I cannot think of a more iconic wardrobe feature that identifies a gentleman of the past. The slick and refined look of a fur stetson hat accompanied by a sharp three piece suit was the main style for those who existed before we were even sperm awaiting our turn patiently to explode out of captivity.

It served both practical and fashionable purposes for every man. It kept the elements at bay, shielding our eyes from the sun and the rain. The extra space in the hat also kept in heat, thus helping to keep the head warm. (Bet you didn't know that one)

Unfortunately, the only people who remember wearing these are sitting in a wheel chair watching Jerry Springer every afternoon in their retirement home.

Even more of a travesty, the replacement for these kick ass covers have now been replaced with.....

Well... these.

That's right gentlemen. Many of the hats you will see at the bars are these wonderful multicolored sports hats. You've seen them worn in this particular fashion:tipped to the site, the bill as flat as the wearers personaility, and (if they are a real douche bag) the sticker on it. At least it matches the over sized sports jersey that covers up their sagging pants.

So what's a gentleman to do? Some of you may not sport the cover of a douche bag, but you're not going to go buy a top hat and expect it to match your button downs that are strewn about the floor of your room. Should you wear a hat? What if you do? How do the ladies see it? What the appropriate protocol?

Know When and Where to Wear it 

 

There are plenty of hats out there that are not theses flat rimmed tops. You've got your regular Dodger cap you wear to baseball games, or that fedora that you can sport with your dark rimmed glasses, and even that skull cap you wear when its balls cold outside. If you are a gentleman it is perfectly fine to wear these. Just know when to don them and when you need to take them off.

Lets open up our reference of Mrs. Emily Post's Etiquette, Manners for a New World and see what she has to say.

"Removing your hat is a sign of respect that has a long history in western culture. When a man of lesser rank entered the dwelling of a person of higher rank, he removed his hat or helmet. Baring his head was a sign of vulnerability and showed that he posed no threat, essentially acknowledging that the person of higher rank had power over him."

Obviously the average American Gentleman doesn't walk into a house of nobility on a daily basis. However, this custom is still apparent in our daily lives. There are cases when you should remove your hat, as well as places where hats are alright to wear.

Mrs. Emily Post created a wonderful chart for us to reference.

Location	All Hats for Men
Outdoors	On
At athletic events	On
On public transportation	On
In public buildings such as post offices, airports, train stations	On
In office and hotel lobbies	On
On elevators	On
While being introduced, indoors or out	Off
In someones home	Off
Indoors at work, especially in an office (unless required for the job)	Off
In a house of worship or at a religious service, unless a hat is required	Off
In public buildings such as a school, library, court house, or town hall	Off
At the table	Off
In restaurants and coffee shops	Off
At a movie or any indoor performance	Off
When the national anthem is played	Off
When the American flag passes by, as in a parade	Off

Okay, now lets move on to what a gentleman should do when meeting a woman.

A Gentleman Walks into a Bar...

 

Rule of thumb: if you are in doors, take the hat off. If you ever meet anyone, remove your hat as you introduce yourself. That basically ensures that you are in compliance with the table above. There are a few specific instances that I want to address. 

Walking into a Bar

 Remove your hat and keep it off. If you just came from that Dodgers game and you walk into a bar for a drink, head to the bathroom, take the cap off, get your hair in order, and you're set. Now you can go out there and eye fuck the shit out of Cindy.

Meeting a Woman for the first time

If you do wear that fedora or sports cap out on the street and you meet a woman for the first time, remove your hat before you shake her hand and introduce yourself. This is definitely something they will notice. More points for you.

 Fashion Hats

Okay, I get it. I know that fedora looks fantastic on you with that blazer and your dark rimmed glasses. Normally fashion hats are for women, but hey whatever floats your boat. Sorry to poke a few holes in your hull and sink you, but don't wear it in doors. Guess you are going to have to rearrange your wardrobe.

Cowboy Hats

For all you Southern Gentlemen who have spent a time or two shoveling cow shit in these wonderful ten gallon hats, sorry to burst your bubble, but the civil war is over. You lost. And you should also loose the hat when you walk into a bar, into someones home, or when you meet a lady for the first time.

There is an exceptions to this. If you head to a country bar where line dancing is its main feature, you are welcome to wear you hat on the dance floor. But once you step your cowboy boots off the hardwood floor, so comes your cover.

Flat Rimmed Hats

By now you've guess I am not a fan of the flat rimmed sports hats worn at a crooked angle. I am not alone in thinking this. Many women out there, including Ms. Cindy that you are about to go and talk to, are not into them either.   The general consensus among the normal populous of the U.S. is that if you wear one of these, you are a giant bag of stinking douche. So don't wear these anymore. That's right, I said it.

Military Hats

If you get the rare chance to see a military member walking about in uniform, undoubtedly they will have a cover of some type. Regulations across different services vary, but generally they will remove their cover when they walk in doors, and cover up when they are outside.

The only case they will keep the cover on indoors is if they are under arms, meaning they have a sword or some type of weapon on them. You'll see this most commonly at wedding ceremonies. So don't go knocking off their hat and reprimand them for being ungentlemanly like. Try that with a Marine under arms... see what happens.

Conclusion

 

Believe it or not, when you walk into that bar and remove whatever hat you have, Ms. Cindy is going to take note. Why? Because people just don't do it anymore. When you do, it will mark you as a man who has a greater understanding of chivalry of the present and the past. Most ladies believe chivalry to be dead. So when she see's this, it will give her a glimmer of hope and rack up points for you in her subconscious mind.

If you do wear a hat on a daily basis, start taking notice for when and where you should remove your hat. It's a difficult habit to create, but I guarantee that you will grain the mark of the gentlemen into you in every place you enter.

 Just for the love of God, don't look like this douche bag and you'll be alright. (Look! There's a fucking sticker on it!) 

Controlling those Wandering Eyes - The Male Perspective

 Introduction

You're doing it right now.

Don't bullshit a bullshitter, you're staring at them. Hell, I'm going to guess you aren't even reading this at all. You probably just clicked the link because you wanted a closer look at them. I'll even bet you just scrolled down to the other pictures in hope to see more Grand Canyon cleavage.

Do I have your attention now? Done staring? Good. Believe it or not, you do the same thing out in town, in the grocery store, and yes, in the bar as well. It's not just limited to the internet.

To be quite rudimentary there is nothing wrong with this at all. As a man you should look. It's part of our instinctual drive to be attracted to the female figure. You think they don't know this? That's why little Cindy is wearing that low cut shirt at the bar. It's why you got up and walked past the dirty hipsters to talk to her. It's why everyone is at the bar in the first place.

But to define yourself as a gentleman you must harness this natural drive and master the second hardest thing in the world that is not in your pants: NOT TO LOOK.

Hey, Up Here Buddy

Lets go back to Mrs.Emily Post's Etiquette, Manners for a New World and focus on one of the main points in meeting people. Eye contact.She mentions an important point when meeting people for the first time and one of the major mistakes that you can make.

"Looking away. Eye contact is critical in an introduction. People who look over others' shoulders and around the room while involved in an introduction are saying by their actions that they really don't care."

So what does this mean for the single gentleman?

That if you walk up to little Ms. Cindy, look her up and down or happen to glance at the tips of her bra sticking out of her shirt, you are saying you care about only one thing: Trying to get a donkey ride down the canyon.

 The Simple Solution

So what is a gentleman to do?

Practice not only looking little Ms. Cindy in the eye, but everyone else as well. Make an effort to lock eyes with every person you meet. When you feel your eyes wandering, try and catch yourself.

Looking a woman dead in the eyes says a few things. One, it means you are confident. Two, it means you respect her. And Three, that you have a little more control over your natural male urges. This alone will assert that you are a cut above the rest. That you are a gentlemen of caliber that can shoot a straight look into her sparkling eyes. 

And remember this: they know when you look. I know you think they don't notice, but a girl will know if you are staring at her bosom from across the Grand Canyon. That means she definitely sees your eye balls wandering when you first saw her while you were bullshitting with your buddies in the booth across the bar.

Conclusion

So take heed gentlemen. Look a person in the eyes when you speak to them. It's very simple and very easy to train yourself to do. And it scores more points than you'll imagine.

And in the event that you do forget the name of Ms. Cindy, you can later ask her friends who the "girl with the blue eyes" was. That, my friends, will get you a discount for the donkey ride down to the bottom of the Canyon much faster

So keep those eyes up gents.

 And stop staring at her tits! See you did it again!

Think I am full of shit? Leave a comment and tell me I'm wrong. Do it punk. 

The Dying Breed - The Female Perspective

 Laurel England is a co-author for the Gentleman's Guide for the Modern Age. She wonderfully brings balance to the blog by backing up each post with the female reaction to the topic. This post is in response to "The Dying Breed". 

 Introduction

 

As a female in the modern world this doesn’t surprise me in the least. I don’t know when and I don’t know why, but fathers have stopped passing on the gentlemen gene.

I went out to breakfast with a gentleman suitor in a casual local chain. He walked in front of me and pulled out my chair as smooth and calm as a Hindu cow. I came to expect this from this wonderful gentleman, sat down and thanked him.

The 18 year old waitress that led us to our table stood there wide eyed and dumb founded. She blurted out “WOW”, and placed down our menus. We both looked at each other and then back at her. She replied to our looming stares, “I’ve never seen a man do that for a woman before. I thought that only happens in the movies.”

I almost wanted to cry for America’s youth, go hunt down her parents and slap them. Instead replied with a wink, “Gentleman are still out there. Never settle for anything less and always appreciate them when you come across them”. 

What Women Expect in the Modern Age 

 

When women in the modern age come across this dying bread, our first instinct is to immediately think that it’s complete bullshit. What have we learned from the last 200 men that have approached us? It’s a simple act to attain the vagina.  

Figure 1

And that ladies, is the bullshit.  

Gentleman, you already start in the negatives and that’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the shmedium-wearing, fist pumping, gym grunting, drunken mess of a "man" that has infected our everyday lives (See figure 1) . Stand strong dear gentlemen, hold that ground and hold those traditions. You will find that the appreciating women, although obnoxiously pessimistic and weary in this era, will come around and give you not only the time of day, but her heart, her trust and her undying need to be bent over. 

Conclusion

Men that happen to find this blog, that are not too resistant to change, I pray you grab a pen and paper. For your Jersey shore of a world is about to get rocked.

---

Meeting a Woman for the First Time - The Female Perspective

Laurel England is a co-author for the Gentlemen Guide for the Modern Age. She wonderfully brings balance to the blog by backing up each post with the female perspective. This post is in response to  "Meeting a Woman for the First Time"

Introduction

As a 6’ blonde who wears heels without hesitation, I’ve had my share of attention from the male species. Whether I like it or not, men will flock. This “Flocking” includes but is not limited to : 

 
-          Whistles 
-          Hoots 
-          Licking of lips 
-          Intense boob stare downs 
-          Pointing directly at you to their buddies 
-          Useless banter about how “banging” I look
-          And of course, the pickup lines. (I can only hope they’re educated enough to make it rhythm in the end so I at least can walk away laughing and giving them a high five).

Is this what a young woman desires in this modern age? Are these the only options?

It’s true we tend to enjoy attention. We didn’t hit the gym all week, skip the cupcakes at Ashley’s birthday party, buy a brand new BCBG dress with our maxed out credit card to stand in the corner and NOT be approached. Nor did we spend 6 hours perfecting our online dating profile for you to misspell our name and ask if our photos are up to date.  And yes, it is true we may show off certain assets to help fuel that attention. However, what makes you different from the first 3 guys who came up to a lady letting her know how good she looks and wants her number? Queue the extinct species of gentlemen.

The Greeting

The “just introduce yourself” Is spot on. We’re not expecting back flips and a fluffy kitten to be pulled from your jacket for extreme entertainment.

If you spot an attractive lady at a bar or in your local coffee spot, be confident in yourself and send out that vibe. If you’re not confident, join the club. It’s all about perception. “Fake it until you make it” I believe is the phrase I am looking for. No female is going to reject your handshake and not exchange her name as well. If she does, she’s a total self-obsessed bitch. You’re welcome for getting that out of the way so you didn’t spend all night making cat eyes with a Paris Hilton wannabe.  

As long as you haven’t run into one of those terrible self-involved sluts, it’s time to make the next step.

“Nice to meet you Dayna,(insert conversation direction here.)”

Does she look athletic? Perhaps you played the same sport in college. Is she tan? Maybe she likes to hit the beach like you do. Find what initially drew you in to her and figure out how to present that in words that isn’t a Ron Burgundy, “Well I was standing over across the room and felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breathtaking heiny”. You’re men I get it, but let’s keep it PG for this initial introduction…Please?

It’s easy to get intimidated quickly, but a couple things you need to keep in mind to help build you up:

Behind all that smoky eye makeup and light bronzed face foundation could be a woman who would rather be home watching the Yankees beat the Dodgers while trading her vodka soda for a Mother Earth Cali Cream pint. We came out and dressed up mostly for you. So appreciate it but know that we are all chameleons.

We may put on a front. There are a lot of sassy sarcastic females out there who are not looking for the boring banter. We will test you. Don’t back down and assume she’s being a bitch. She’s challenging you to engage her and to see if you can keep up. If you’re not interested in that, go find the Barbie across the room who’s smitten knowing that you can remember her name and guess her boob size.

Conclusion

Leave the dirty jokes, pickup lines and flexing at the door. Stop wasting time and start being a functional gentleman.

"THAT" guy

Don’t be “That Guy”, whose the drunkest in the room, hits on a woman, gets denied and then hits on her friends standing two feet from her. Keep it classy but keep it fun. The right girl will respond well to just you being a respectful confident version of yourself. Don’t be what you think a woman wants, faking a persona will get you nowhere really fast. She will appreciate your gentlemanly efforts and they will not go unnoticed. You will get her number, you will get a date. Don’t try and go home with her, walk away knowing you conquered the first interaction with smashing success.

Oh yes, stop looking at my wonderful tits.

Buying a Drink for a Woman

Introduction

 

Lets review a little from our last narrative about your expedition to speak with Ms. Cindy. 

You left Billy in the booth pounding his Patron to go speak to Cindy. You walked up, said your introduction, smiled, and shook her hand. But then you decided to jump the gun. You flag the bartender down.

"Another beer for me please, and what are you having?" you turn and ask her. You see her eyes dart to the right and an eyebrow slightly raised.

"I'll take a beer," she says. She uncrosses her arms to take the beer from the bar tender and starts to pound the drink. You keep yapping along as she nods her head in your general direction. Her eyes continue to shift around. She's not saying much. Then after she's pounded the beer, she gives you a half ass smile and says.

"Thanks for the beer, but I have to get back to my friends."

So what the fuck just happened?

Sometimes, She's Just Not Into You

 

I hate to break it to you, but you're not Brad Pit. Therefore every woman you walk up to is not going to like you. If you disagree with me, congratulations Narcissus, you're a fucking moron.  Go back to the gym and flex in the mirror more.

For a gentleman, you will find cases such as this when you walk up and speak to a lady. She's going to be cordial with you if you are cordial with her, but sometimes she just may be picky. 

What you did wrong in the above narrative was buy her a drink to fast. Women who have manners feel obligated to at least talk to you for a little while if you buy them a beer, even if they think you are as ugly as Hephaestus. This may give you more time to talk to them, but most women who are not into you will feel awkward and pound the beer as fast as possible so they can move on to the Hercules at the other side of the bar that they've been looking at all night. 

The Classy Way to Buy A Drink For a Woman

So if she's probably not going to be into you, why go up in the first place? You're right, its a risk. She may not like you. And that kind of rejection is not the best feeling. But you still want to talk to her. What do you do?

So lets say you are back with Billy in the booth of the bar eying Cindy sitting at a high table with her friends. You want to talk to her, but you just aren't sure if she's going to be into you. 

Here's is what you do. 

"From the Gentleman at the booth over there"

Step 1 - Have the waitress/barmaid bring her a drink. The barmaid comes to your table to ask if you'd like to get another drink. You say yes, but then you ask what Cindy over there is drinking. You then ask that the next drink she has be on your tab. 

Oh my God oh my God oh My God!

Okay, don't get excited. Stay calm and keep it in your pants. This is what is what Cindy and her friends are going to do when that next drink comes to her. 

Step 2 - The barmaid is going to point over to your table and explain that the drink is from you when she delivers it. 

Okay, that makes sense. 

 

Step 3 - The ladies are going to look at you. It is very important at this point that you DO NOT LOOK. Keep it cool, keep asking Billy about how he got his wang stuck in the jet of his jacuzzi, and don't pay attention to them. Just ignore them for the moment. 

Brian, are you out of your fucking element? I'm going to be waiting on the edge of my seat until the barmaid sends that drink. I'll get to wave and make eye contact and then make my move.

Then you'll look like a creep. Remember, ladies do not like to be stared at. So if Cindy gets that drink and you raise your glass as soon as she looks over, that means that you've been staring the whole time. Bad move. Shes going to feel creeped out and probably move tables. 

Step 4 - They are going to talk about you. This is a good thing. 

But what exactly are they discussing? 

Would you stop interrupting me for Christ sake? I'll get to that. 

Step 5 - Cindy is going to make her choice. She is either going to do one of four things, which all mean different things:

a) Not thank you or acknowledged that you bought her the drink = Stuck up bitch
b) Acknowledge that she appreciates the drink by a head nod, wave, or raise of the glass = polite, but just not into you
c) Walk over and thank you for the drink, then be on her way = More polite than most and may be curious
d) Walk over, thank you for the drink, and start a conversation = Shes in to you 

The Message You Send

 

Lets get down to brass tacks here. What kind of message does this send to her?

It gives her the option. 

When a girl gets a drink from you delivered by the waitress, it gives her the option to talk to you if she wishes. When you walk up and buy her a drink, she feels obligated and might make her uncomfortable. In this scenario, she gets to chose if she wants to talk to you or not. This will avoid making her feel uncomfortable and its less over bearing on her part. 

She will feel more open.

When she looks over and sees you talking with your friends and ignoring her, it sends the message that you are not a creep, and you haven't been staring. (or at least from what she has seen). Moreover, it allows her and all her friends to look you up and down without feeling the awkwardness of you looking back. Again, it puts her at ease knowing there's no awkward tension with eyes back and forth. 

Its a Different Approach.

Guys rarely do this kind of thing anymore. It will help to distinguish you as a gentleman and standout from the rest of the douche bags in the bar. Girls like to run across gentlemen who distinguish themselves from the rest, thus making you more interesting and appealing. It will increase your chances that they wan to talk to you. 

The Benefits for you

 

You may think this choice is cheesy, but let me outline the advantages you gain from doing this. 

You won't look like 'that guy'

You know what I am talking about: the guy who walks up to every hot looking girl in the bar and tries to hit on her. Trust me gentlemen, girls are watching and see who you talk to. If they see you've been shut down twice and you walk up to her, you're telling her you are third choice on your list for trying to get a one night stand. 

Increase your chances

If you have the coin, you can send as many drinks to as many woman as you want. This way, even if they turn you down, the other ladies will not see you being turned down. And if all else fails after doing this a few times, you can take the regular approach and walk up to talk to others, thus making it less obvious that Cindy might be number four on your list. 

You'll know shes into you.

If Cindy walks over to you and starts talking, the message is very clear: Shes into you. And that is exactly what you are looking for. Your chances of leaving with her number increase dramatically. Moreover she may bring her friends, in which case Billy will regret sticking his wanker into the jacuzzi jet earlier knowing he may have to use it later. This also means her friends might take interest in your friends. So everyone wins. 

Conclusion

 

This is definitely a passive approach. It can also be expensive as well. But if you are the introvert and you feel like throwing a lure out there to see what catches, this is a great way to go. 

Plus, it feels pretty bad ass knowing that a woman walked up to you instead of the other way around. 

Just do me a favor and don't run up a dozen drinks on your tab and think it will get you laid. You still need to do the foot work of being a gentlemen and treating her like a lady.

And for the love of Zeus, stop looking at her goddamn tits!

Meeting a Woman for the First Time - The Male Perspective

 Introduction

"Hey baby, what's up?"

Don't lie, if you are a male of dating age you've used this one at least once, be it at a bar, over the internet, or drunk at a random bus stop waiting to be shuttled to the next college campus party. Every girl has heard it, and guess what gentlemen - it doesn't work and they don't like it.

So what does one say to a woman if you want to meet her for the first time? Many of the flat-rimmed hat community would say to use a pick up line. I would list some, but I will let you take a look here and you can cringe for yourself.

And I am sure you're about to say "Well my buddy James used one and he got laid by this hot chick." Okay, first off, strip clubs and a girl incapacitated by alcohol don't count. Secondly, depending on who you are and where you use them, they do have the probability of working. But a very LOW probability. If you are seeking a higher level of chivalry in your life, then this is not the path to go.

The Greeting

So now that we have that out of the way, lets get into the mechanics of what you say to a woman when you meet her for the first time.

Lets say you are in a bar on a Friday night.  You've  had a beer, you're feeling good, you're talking with your friends about how Billy 'accidentally' got his wang stuck in one of the jets of his hot tub, when you look up and make eye contact with that pretty girl at the other end of the bar.

With a pint of liquid courage under your belt, you get up and walk past the hipsters who haven't taken a shower in weeks and around the throngs of drunken college students with fake IDs. You walk up to her and say...

"Hi, my name is Pogo, want to jump on my stick?"

Thank God that was only in your head. We know that's what you are really thinking but lets go over what you should actually say.

According to Emily Post's Etiquette, Manners for a New World, there are four steps for a correct greeting.

Stand Up - If there's no room to stand - briefly lift yourself out of your chair, extend your hand and say "Please excuse me for not standing. Its nice to meet you."

Smile and Make Eye Contact - Your smile conveys warmth and openness. looking a person in the eye clearly shows that you're focused on them.

Say your Greeting - The direct "How do you do?" "Hello," or "It's a pleasure to meet you" are all good openers. Repeating the persons name also helps you to remember it.

Shake Hands - Grasp the other persons hand firmly, shake two or three times, let go, and step back.

Now, obviously this is not a business meeting and your not going to glare at the woman in the eye, crush her hand in a handshake and say "How do you do madam.!" These are a good rule of thumb for greeting anyone. But lets take this information and apply it from a gentleman's perspective with regards to speaking to a woman in the bar for the first time. 

Saying Hello to the Hot Chick 

Believe it or not, the best pick up line in the world for a gentlman of stature is this:

"Hi, my name is (Insert first name). How are you?"

That's it. Its all you need to do. Simply extend you hand, smile, make eye contact, and shake her hand with a semi firm grip. After she says hello and that she is good, the next follow up question should be:

"Whats your name? Its nice to meet you (insert name)"

Two things need to happen here. One, remember her freakin' name. Make a mental note, associate it to something, brand it in your mind, I don't care how you do it, as long as you remember it.

At the same time you need to initiate a conversation. And for the love of God, don't talk about her low cut shirt or ask her what her favorite sexual position is. Find something you have in common to talk about. That's the hardest part. This might be something you plan in your head as you pass the hipsters on the way to greet her.

Conclusion

I could go in length on how to shake hands properly, how to read her body language to see if she's into you, and a variety of other things. But, I know you are probably getting ready to go to the bar to try this out to increase your chances of getting laid, and you don't have time to read through this whole thing. But before you douse yourself with cologne and head out to try it, remember one thing.

Using this will increase your chances to carry on a conversation with a woman, but it does not guarantee it. It will give you the first impression that you are a gentleman. And first impressions are everything.

Oh, and don't stare at her tits.