Picking Cindy up on the First Date

Introduction

The date with Cindy is nigh, and your as nervous as a prostitute taking a pregnancy test. 

Okay, bad example. But the point is you're nervous. Why? Because Ms. Cindy is insanely hot and you have

a tendency to fuck things up on a first date.

You may feel like this poor bastard right here.

And sometime, gentlemen have a tendency to screw things up before the date even begins. 

How?

Allow me to explain

Picking Up Ms. Cindy

You just pulled up to Cindy's house in your car and you hugged the curb in front of her home right by the bushes. You check your phone to make sure you have the right address, the you look up to see if she's going to come out the door. After a few minutes, you figure out you didn't put on enough deodorant because you're sweating like a pig. You get impatient and you honk the horn.

No response. 

So you call her on your cell phone. She picks up.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Yeah wasup. You ready to go or what?" you smoothly say. 

"Oh , I uh, I'm still getting ready. I'll be a few minutes," she says. 

You hang up the phone and wait in your car with the music blaring. Finally, she emerges and walks up to the car. She has to maneuver around the bushes and squeeze herself in to open the door. She gets in and says something to you with a disgusted look on her face, but Marylin Manson is jarring to loud to hear what she saying. 

Okay... please tell me that you saw several things wrong with what you did in this passage. If you did, good. If you did not.... I'm tempted to threaten you with ripping your spine out and beating you to death with it, but just read on.

Good Old Mrs. Post

I would be remiss in stating my stance on opening doors for a lady on the initial start of the date without citing a few facts from Mrs. Post's Etiquette, Manners for a New World.

" Go to the Door. Don't park at the curb and honk or call on your cell phone to let her know you're waiting - unless that's what you and your date agreed on. If you're meeting at a work place, let your date know that you've arrived then wait... patiently. If you are meeting in a public place, try and arrive a few minutes early."

So now.... how can we apply this to the single gentleman who is about to pick up Ms. Cindy for their first date. 

The Check List

There are a series of things you need to do to make sure the pick up is smooth and successful.

1. Set the Music - If you did your homework, you asked her what kind of music she likes. Set it to the radio, download a few types of her music, or find a Pandora station that plays her favorite songs. Have it set and playing at a reasonably low volume before you exit the car. So when she does get in the car, the music automatically starts playing at a low tone. Having her music on will make her a little more at ease for the date. It will also show consideration.

2. Park in a Convenient Spot - When you pull up, find a place that makes it easy for her to get in and out of. Park a little off the curb if you have to and make sure she doesn't have to step over roots or loose gravel. Chances are shes going to be wearing heels, so make her path to the door as safe as possible. 

3. Walk up to her Door and Knock - Get out of your car and walk to the front door. I know, seems simple but guys tend to screw this one up and forget. Walk up to the door, ring the doorbell or knock, then step back from the door a few feet. You don't want to look like a creeper ringing the doorbell a million times then fall through the entrance when she opens it. 

4. Be Patient - With first dates, girls tend to dress to the nines. If she's doing this, she is probably going to be a little late. So don't be surprised if she lets you in and asks for a few more minutes. Be patient, sit and wait. Tell her to take her time while you brandish that pearly white smile.

5. Don't take your Phone out - I know you might be sitting in her living room for  a few minutes, but do everything in your power not to take your phone out. If she comes back in and you are self absorbed in your phone, shes going to be wondering who you are talking to. She might even assume right then and there that you have another girl under your belt that you are seeing. Not the best idea. Just keep it in your pants... the phone I mean. 

6. Open the Door - When she comes out and you finally clamp your mouth shut after gawking at her in her little black dress, take  her to the front door and YOU open it. Again, seems simple but gentlemen screw this one up more so now than ever. Walk down the path toward your car and AGAIN, open the car door for her. Here's the important part: when you open the door, offer your hand to help her in. This may seem archaic and unnecessary, but just offering your hand will stand out in her mind as kind. 

7. Walk around the BACK of your car - This means you are safety conscious. Granted she's not going to really notice this one, but a gentleman always walks behind the car in any situation. 

Conclusion

These are all very simple things you can do. Again, they will not guarantee that she's going to want to jump in bed with you. But it will mitigate any negative things she will talk about with her friends later. 

Also, some girls expect to have a gentleman they want to date. If they are really on the look out, they are evaluating these things. So don't screw it up. 

If all else fails, just don't try and peak a sneak down the cleavage of her dress when she gets in the car.

Grinding on that Dance Floor

 Introduction

Do I really have to write about this one? Gentlemen, come on. The fact that I have to address THIS topic is similar to me having to explain the importance of wiping your ass after you take a monstrous dump. Yet there were still some brave barbarians out there who took that crap in the woods without wiping, somehow procreated, then bred an entire race of barbarians who still don't understand a basic concept:

Think with your head. The one resting on your shoulders, not hanging between your legs.

"That's that lump three feet above your ass! "

 So what are you talking about Brian?

I'm talking about the "bumping and grinding" on the dance floor. Here, let me give you a small narrative to help explain.

Dancing with Little Ms. Cindy

Lets say that you are sitting in that booth in the bar will Billy. You're feeling rather fly tonight: You've got your flat billed Yankee cap to the side, your grill is sparkling like the $2,000 rims on your $1,500 car, and you just took another double shot of patron that you can't afford. You wipe some of the drool off your mouth as you laugh will Billy when you see little Ms. Cindy out there on the dance floor dropping it like its hot in her short black dress.

"Damn," Billy remarks, "Dude, go dance with that chick out there."

"WTF, who the hell are you?"

What wonderful advice billy. Denis Mcdonough would be proud. So you follow the presidential advice Billy gives you. You get up, trounce across the dance floor toward her, and what do you do? You immediately start rubbing your Johnson right into the small of her back. No introduction, no hello. You just grab right onto her hips and start dry humping the shit out of her off-rhythm to the music.

Sound familiar? You're lying, I know you've done it in high school, maybe even recently. I guarantee that you have at least seen it more than once.

 Don't get me wrong gentlemen. Grinding on the dace floor is perfectly acceptable to do in this day and age. If you get to this point with Ms. Cindy after a conversation, chances are high that she likes you. Hell, her body language is spilling itself all of you to the poetic lyrics of Lil Jon. Its a good thing, and definitely a precursor for more later.

There's just the right way to go about doing this, and the wrong way... Just to clarify the above mentioned is the wrong way just in case you didn't catch my tone.

Back to the Basics

Surprisingly enough, Emily Post's Etiquette, Manners for a New World does not have much to say about the bump and grind method of dancing. She does cover a lot about dancing at events, balls, weddings, and high society kind of things. For example:

Gentlemen of old used to ask women to dance.

"When there's dancing, its so much more fun when everybody dances - even those who claim two left feet. These days, women don't have to be asked to dance but can take the initiative and do the asking. If in doubt about the appropriateness, just remember that the more formal the party, the more you should stick to tradition." 

Time to focus and grab what we can out of this.

Obviously, the dance floor at your favorite bar is far from the traditional dance ball. As she states, you do not have to be that formal when everyone is getting jiggy with it. Trying to do the fox trot to dub step doesn't really work out either.

She also states something very important that we can read between the lines on. "These days, women don't have to be asked to dance but can take the initiative and do the asking." Up front, this means that a woman can ask you to dance, as well as the other way around. More importantly, this means that in the very traditional and formal days, men had to ask a woman to dance.

Key word here... Ask.

Now to Apply

Taking the basic knowledge we just learned, lets go back to our narrative and start over again as a gentleman would.

You're sitting at the booth in the bar with Billy sipping on a beer. He wipes the patron away from his chin and points out Cindy on the dance floor.

"Dude, go out there and grind up on that shit," he says.

"Hey Cindy, would you like to dance?"

But you don't. Instead, you patiently observe her while she dances. You see she is with friends and letting loose. Several guys also take notice, and she turns down each one as they encroach her with their crotches. After a few minutes she exits the dance floor with her friends toward the bar to get some water.

This is when you make your move. You get up, walk over to her, and as discussed in the previous posts, you introduce yourself and start a conversation.

Here is where the knowledge comes in.  You know she likes to dance and shes temporarily taking a break. She wants to get out there again with her friends who might be urging her to come along while you are in the middle of your conversation. Applying the between-the-lines info we gained earlier, this is what you say.

"Hey Cindy, would you like to dance?"

She is going to pick up on three important things from just this sentence:

1. You know her name. Acknowledging her existence as more than just a short skirt flaunting on the dance floor is big in her book. It means you care and you actually listened to her when you introduced yourselves. 
2. You asked. As shown in the first narrative, most dudes don't ask. The fact that you gave her the option to say no without an awkward encounter means a lot. Even if she does say no, she might be more inclined to speak with you when she comes back.
3. You are considerate. One of the many marks of a gentleman is being considerate. It's the foundation of why there are manners in the first place. This question alone will give her the general feeling that you are considerate of others.

Some Tips for your... Tip

Let's say Cindy was so impressed with the fact you asked her to dance that she says yes. Now what?

There's a couple of core things you want to keep in mind.

Keep Your Sword Sheathed - I know you're excited. Your animal instincts are just about to go crazy when you get a front row seat to watch Cindy dance in front of you. Ladies know when you've whipped out the swashbuckler. They can freaking see it bulging beneath your jeans.

It may be a jungle, but that doesn't mean you have to act like an animal

You have to control it. One of the aspects of a gentleman is keeping those 'instincts' under control. Its hard (pun intended), but you have to keep it soft for the moment.

Its Not About the Grind - Most dudes will get out there and start grabbing the hips and thrusting away. This is not what you are going to do, at least not the entire time. Change it up. Do a little grinding from the front, a little from the back, and then... Pull away.

That's right Gents. Give yourself some space from her and just dance solo. I know seems awkward but it will count. Changing it up like this will keep it interesting for her and prevent any chaffing to the small of her back from your relentless thrusting.

Stick with the Default Dance if Needed - So you're not a good dancer? That's fine. Just revert to the default. Whats the default you ask?

I'm not sure if you have seen this movie, but this scene basically nails down what you do if you are incapable of sticking to the beat or dance like you have epilepsy.

Depending on your personality, her personality and your dance capability, the cue tip move might work. Some girls like that goofy stuff. But if you are more awkward than Albert in the video, stick to the simple dance. It will at minimum give her the chance to enjoy dancing on her own, and she can let her back breathe without your sweaty body all over her.

Watch Your Hands - Be careful where you place your hands. Remember, you just met this girl. She's going to get pissed if you just try and run your fingers right up her skirt or down her shirt. Believe it or not, they don't like that if they don't know you. Who the fuck would have guessed that one?

Stick to the Rhythm - When grinding, do your best to stick to the rhythm. I'm not necessarily talking about the music. I'm talking about her rhythm. Ebb and flow with her and mirror her movements when you can. This will ensure  a smooth dance.

Conclusion

Most girls will notice these small things: Asking if she wants to dance, changing up the dance, and a general respect for her space and for the skin on the small of her back. They add points to the score board if you want to dance with her again and continue talking with her for the rest of the night.

Grinding on the dace floor is perfectly acceptable to do in this day and age

You may be one of those lucky few where you ask to dance, she drags YOU out on the floor, and then she proceeds to dry hump you more-so that you dreamed. Congratulations, let the sword out of its sheath and start hacking away like the butt pirate you are.

But for the other 99% of times that this does not happen, stick to the above mentioned principles. And if your animal instincts blind you the moment you step out onto the dance floor (or you haven't learned a thing from reading this), just remember one thing.

Just ask.



And fuck, what did I say about staring at her tits. STOP IT!

A Healthy Set of Chompers

Introduction

So you finally walked up to Cindy at the bar, made your introduction and kept eye contact with her. Congratulations, now you only have 4923891 more steps in the process to get her number, and you're about to stumble into step three. As you are thinking about "Shit, what was step three that dude said in his blog", you brandish a big old smile to compliment that eye contact.

And suddenly everything goes wrong.

She frowns, turns her head away, reaches for her empty glass behind her and pretends to take a drink. All of a sudden there's a distance equivalent to that of home plate to the pitchers mound. You just struck out and you don't even know why.

You sulk back to Billy in the booth and ask him what went wrong. He leans in and wrinkles his nose. He says it quietly as to not embarrass you.

"Dude... your breath stinks man."

The Fact of the Matter

Gentlemen, I know I am going to sound like your mom for a moment, but believe it or not there are a lot of 'bros' and 'gangstas' out there who do not brush their teeth as often as they should. You need to focus on taking constant care of your teeth.

Now I'm not just talking about brushing your teeth in your pre-going out routine. We know you do that right before you spray yourself with half your cologne bottle (we will get to that one later) and don your flat rimmed hat with the sticker still on it. Brushing is more than just a one time thing.

Lets turn to the trusty old book by Emily Post Etiquette, Manners for a New World and see what she has to say about healthy breath and teeth.

"To keep breath fresh, try and brush your teeth after lunch as well as in the mornings and at night. Regular flossing and brushing your tongue helps  control odor. Breath mints can help, and its a good idea to keep some handy. Not only is it a serious turn-off to others, but bad breath can also be a sign of ill health. If brushing, flossing, and mouthwash don't take care of it, pay a visit to your dentist or doctor."

Okay, lets take what she says here, combine it with a few more in depth medical facts and apply it to what the modern gentleman needs to know.

Medical Knowledge and Simple Techniques

 

Brushing 

Do this twice a day. In the morning when you wake up and at night before you go to bed. Lets be real. You are not going to bring a tooth brush to work, face palm  your boss and say "Sorry boss, its noon. This guy needs to brush his teeth to look good for the ladies." That's not going to fly.

Believe it or not, raking the brush across your teeth for 10 minutes like your trying to rub off old food from a pan is not good for you. There is a way to properly do it without damaging your gums and your teeth.

Simple right? It is. All it takes is simple things.

Flossing

Now I'm not trying to be a dentist or a Nazi here, but flossing is just as important as brushing. You ever see someone smile and it looks like Microsoft word increased the boarders on their teeth by an inch and a half? Yes, its noticeable. Women will see it to when you smile. Make flossing a priority.

Here's a awkward dentist with a woman who got lost in the 1990's explaining how to floss properly.

Also, that plaque in there that's crammed in those hard to reach spaces has plenty of bacteria on it, which also contributes to bad breath. It takes constant care to ensure that you don't have it in there, and thus not contributing to your gunk mouth.

Mouth Wash

This is also an effective way to kill the bacteria that exists in your cheeks, roof of your mouth, around your teeth, and in the back of your throat.

Here a hot dentist (I never thought I would type those two words together) explaining how to properly use them.

Again, it all stems to that bacteria that exists in your mouth that is the cause of bad breath. Just resist the urge to swallow large gulps of it as a cheap means of getting hammered before going to the bar.

Your Spit is Important

That's right gents. Your saliva has cleansing properties to it that help to kill the bacteria that swim around in your mouth. So believe it or not, you need to stay hydrated as often as possible and constantly drink water in order to make more spit. It will also prevent halitosis, which is a tell tail sign that you've haven't been brushing as much as you should be.

What it Means for the Ladies

Lets go back in time and assume that you've been taking care of your teeth before you barreled up to Ms. Cindy sitting at the bar. You say hello and crack that smile. And wouldn't you have it, she smiles back. She's going to make a couple of conclusions about you right off the bat when she sees those pearly whites:

1. You Have Discipline: The woman is going to see that you have white teeth, which means that you have been brushing every day for a really long time. This shows that you actively take care of yourself on a daily basis. Add one to your score board. 
2. You Have Self Respect: You give a shit enough to take time out of your day to take care of yourself. If you do this, it means it spills over into other areas of your life as well. 
3. You Are Healthy: Deep down in that primordial instinct that we all have, women are looking for a mate who is healthy in order to help them survive. Its a subconscious observation that woman see that will settle in their mind. 

Conclusions

Having a nice set of well taken care of chompers is not going to guarantee anything when it comes to talking to women. She's not going to see your teeth then immediately want to take you to bed.  But Cindy is going to be a little more inclined to accept a drink from you and carry on a conversation if shes not assaulted by Satan's stink breath radiating from your mouth.

Take care of your teeth gentlemen. 

And for Gods sake stop staring at her tits.